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Good mood
Wasn't one of you (my friends) on

sluggo4 if you aren't, this so seems like something you'd be into.

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I'd seen that a while back. You might have actually told me about it. I am not into it, unfortunately. Since I pretty much do all of that at work for strangers, I don't really care to do it at home on the interwebz. That and the fact that I plain old don't have any patience for all this social media mumbo-jumbo pervading our culture. I leave that stuff to you and other pros.

Assmunch: Do you have (insert misspoken title here of classic work they should already know)?
Me: (fucking with them) Do you know the author?
Assmunch: Um... no. Its for class and my teacher told me I needed it. I have a test tomorrow.
Me: It is by Anonymous and it will be in our Non-Fiction section.

Ain't that neat? I found a way to be even more misanthropic. I wish I didn't hate people so much. I might actually have more fun.

When school is over and I possibly have free time again I will be reading "Scoop" by Evelyn Waugh. Fyi.

How are you!?!

Ah yes, I remember bookstore work.

Fuckhead: Do you have "Primary Colors?" It was written by this person, Anonymous?
Me: Uhm... yes. I'll find it...
Fuckhead: Has Anonymous ever written anything else that might be good?
Me: His first novel Beowulf got a lot of good reviews....
Fuckhead: Oh! Is that about the Clintons too?

My favorite query is still the douche who was looking for "Animal Farm" by George Orwell. Only it came out as, "Do you have 'Animal House' by Orson Welles?" I simply said no. If he can't even figure out the difference between film and books, he's doomed and I can't help him.

Close second was the woman, who instead of asking for "Girl With the Pearl Earring", asked for "Girl With the Pearl Necklace". Natch.

Okay, as long as we're getting into it....

My other favorite was they guy who wanted to know, "where the non-fiction section is." And he asked it in that aggressive, "don't mess with me, son," tone of voice.

"Well, which area did you want to look at?"
"Just show me where the non-fiction section is!"
"Okay... do you mean history? Or cooking? Maybe pet care? What area specifically-"
"Okay! You see that section over there?"
"The one with the sign that says 'Fiction' over it?"
"The one with all the sci-fi and novels and romance?"
"Well, the non-fiction section would be EVERYTHING [waves arms around to show the totality of the store] but THAT!!! (Pause) So is there anything else I can help you with?"

And then... and THEN... there was the fuck who asked me if we had Marley & Me, and I punched him in the nuts.

Oh... okay, yes. You win with that one hands down.

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